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Bad Jokes V1

• Ꮶ͜иιɢн͡т Jul 25, 2013

  Sh͟a͞doωK͜i͞иɢ wrote:

  Jesus walks into a hotel, puts three nails on the counter, and asks the desk clerk "can you put me up for the night?"

  Haha 😄👍 it's funny cos it's true. 🍻👍
• Nuckfuts Jul 25, 2013

  Spinna wrote:

  What's the difference between jelly and jam?-You can't jelly your dick in a girls mouth.

  Love this one!
• Sh͟a͞doωK͜i͞иɢ Jul 25, 2013

  How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

  None. They just sit in the dark and cry.
• Ꮶ͜иιɢн͡т Jul 25, 2013

  Moses and I were strolling by the Red Sea one day, when Moses nudged me and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."

  Moses turned to the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face me.

  I scoffed "Moses, my boy, I also have still got it." And with a flourish of my robes, I stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

  Halfway across the water, I suddenly began to sink. I splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed me around. Moses grumbled at my silliness and parted the water once more. Moses helped me back to shore, where I hacked up salt water.

  When I regained my breath, Moses slapped a consoling hand on my shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

  Badum tsss
• Ꮶ͜иιɢн͡т Jul 25, 2013

  Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic who suffers for insomnia?

  He laid awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.
• ₲℟₳ℵÐⱥⅆⅆʏ ʗℛㅌᵃℳ Jul 25, 2013

  Teacher asks boy , why is your cat at school today? Boy says crying , I heard my dad tell my mummy
  "I'm Gunna eat that pussy when kid's goes to school".
• sebriah Jul 25, 2013

  What's worse than a worm in your apple?

  The Holocaust.
• dsd_spook Jul 25, 2013

  How do you drown a blonde?

  Hold her underwater til she stops breathing
• dsd_spook Jul 25, 2013

  sebriah wrote:

  What's worse than a worm in your apple?

  The Holocaust.

  What's worse than the holocaust?

  Two worms in your apple
• Jim Dirt Jul 25, 2013

  I'm an aquired taste.

  To appreciate me you have to acquire some taste.
• Kobestud Jul 25, 2013

  1. Why did the chicken cross the road?
  2. I dont know
  1. To get to the stupid guys house.... knock knock
  2. Whos there?
  1. The chicken.
• EastCoastKing Jul 25, 2013

  It's said goat intestines were first used as condoms in Scotland. Luckily the Irish decided to take em outta the goats.
• Kobestud Jul 25, 2013

  Whats green and has wheels?
  Grass, i lied about the wheels.
• BIGBOSS Jul 25, 2013

  Spinna wrote:

  What's the difference between jelly and jam?-You can't jelly your dick in a girls mouth.

  Lol
• 4nick8r Jul 25, 2013

  EastCoastKing wrote:

  It's said goat intestines were first used as condoms in Scotland. Luckily the Irish decided to take em outta the goats.

  👍
• 4nick8r Jul 25, 2013

  A man walks into a bar, orders 10 shots & slams them one after the other. Bartender ask "what's the occasion"? The man replies "first blow job". The bartender slaps him on the back & exclaims " congratulations, the next one is on the house". "No thanks", replies the man, "If the first 10 don't get rid of the taste in my mouth, an 11th won't help.".
• Ꮶ͜иιɢн͡т Jul 25, 2013

  A priest walks along a cliff side path and finds a little boy in tears, stood near the edge. "Why so upset, little one" asks the priest. The boy points to a car, crashed and burning on the rocks below. "My mum and dad are in that car" replied the boy, raising his hands to wipe his tears. Unbuckling his robe and trousers, the priest turns and says "it's just not your day is it"

  😳
• BIGBOSS Jul 25, 2013

  She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still
• 💚Ⴚгɘɘɲʍɑɳ💚 Jul 25, 2013

  When asked how life in North Korea is, its citizens apparently can't complain.
• ⚡Ƭعㅆ℘عʂϮ⚡★Ꮜ͢ℕ Jul 25, 2013

  Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
  He was dead.
  Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
  He was tied to the first monkey.
  Why didn't the third monkey fall out of the tree?
  He wasn't dead.
  Why did the monkey with six fingers on his right hand fall out of the tree?
  The first monkey's son killed him for killing his father.
• EastCoastKing Jul 25, 2013

  Poor monkeys🙊
• Ꮶ͜иιɢн͡т Jul 25, 2013

  Why'd the pervert cross the road?

  He had his cock stuck in the chicken!!
• Ꮶ͜иιɢн͡т Jul 25, 2013

  Why did the man fall off a cliff?

  I undid my blind cure!
• 💚Ⴚгɘɘɲʍɑɳ💚 Jul 25, 2013

  Two atoms are sitting in a bar.
  The first atom says, i lost an electron today...
  The second one replies, Oh no! Are you sure?!
  To which the first atom answers,
  Yep! Im positive!
• sebriah Jul 25, 2013

  💚Ⴚгɘɘɲʍɑɳ💚 wrote:

  Two atoms are sitting in a bar. The first atom says, i lost an electron today...The second one replies, Oh no! Are you sure?!To which the first atom answers,Yep! Im positive!

  Positively electrifying
• 💫Jimmy Needles💫 Jul 25, 2013

  Two snare drums and a cymbal fall into a hole... Badum tsss